I want to share a very personal story here. For a long time this has been a sensitive topic, something I never talk about. Writing it down like this is me facing my fears, and maybe help out another dumb kid like me who derailed from life because of a one time fuckup.
Summer of 2015 I went to a rave in San Diego and basically OD'ed on Molly. Yes, I was an idiot. I took 5 times the amount of recommended dosage(well, what is “recommended dosage” for illegal drugs anyway), got sent to the ER and suffered from panic attacks every single day the following month. I spent my 23rd birthday in a mental hospital and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. They put me on antidepressants indefinitely. The doctor told me I’d never be able to get off the meds. At the time I thought I fucked up my life for good. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and was constantly self-blaming. The following year I got into meditation and therapy, and really really committed to training my mental health. There were some dark ass days. I remember one morning I called my best friend and left him a will coz I couldn’t go on anymore. There were nights when I wanted to cry myself to sleep but was just left being more awake and afraid. All of that was just because of a one time fuckup. The guilt and remorse I felt was beyond words. It took me two whole years to get off the meds completely and feel like a normal, happy human being. In retrospect I’m actually really grateful that it happened. Mentally, I’m so much stronger and more mature. I now have the ability to counsel others out of bad emotions and have become more mindful of finding happiness. My therapist called me the best case scenario.
With that story told, I also want to share a collection of tools I use to deal with my anxiety and depression, I call it my Head Space Bible:
1. Change your mindset from “deal” to “treat”. These negative emotions are not your enemy, they are your friends. They prove that you are human and have feelings. It’s ok for them to be there.
2. Don’t react to the emotions. No matter you are sad, angry, confused, or anxious, let it be. Don’t react to it or try to change it. Don’t be sad because you are sad and don’t let anxious feelings make you more anxious. Again, it’s ok to feel this way.
3. There is no real danger. The anxious feeling you have right now is like that pain-in-the-ass best friend. It’s mother nature’s gift to help you protect yourself. Having anxiety at the right time can save your life but anxiety itself is never dangerous.
4. Believe in the law of attraction and it’s infinite wisdom. When you generate positivity to the universe, the universe will repay you with the same.
5. Remember, this will pass. Your emotions, just like everything in life, changes. You won’t feel this way forever and don’t ever let yourself doubt that.
So there you have it, some stuff I’ve learnt over the past couple of years. If you are feeling anxious or depressed at this very moment, remember you are not alone. We’ve all been there one way or another.
In the end, everything shitty in life has some kind of silver lining. You just have to find it.