There’s a video on Youtube called: “What is the most painful thing someone’s ever said to you?”
They interviewed about a dozen people. The answers varied from “you are stupid”, “I’m no longer in love with you”, to “your son died in Iraq” and “you have 3 months to live”… Some of these are pretty excruciating, had me wondering what my answers would be.
I did some memory digging.
“Stop whining, you’re not actually sick,” my mom said that to me one time when I had really bad food poisoning in 9th grade. She thought I was overreacting and refused to take me to the hospital, until my dad came home and found me half dead. So that was shit. Another time a close friend told me they tried to kill themselves, a boy told me to get out after a petty argument, or when my dream job told me that I wasn’t good enough. Painful stuff.
One time at a school dance, drunk me saw my exboy kissing a girl and just went batshit crazy. I punched and kicked him in the most obnoxious and barbaric way possible, and then stormed off. He chased after me, broke down in tears and said sorry. While sobering up, I watched him apologizing to me like he’s the worst human being in the world, suddenly felt heartbroken. Poor kid did nothing wrong and I was just a fucking asshole. So yea, that was also shit, probably the most painful “sorry” I’ve ever received.
The winner of it all though, is actually a memory from high school. Someone said: “you can dance with me.”
My friends have probably heard this story a billion times and every time it ended with laughters. I guess it's funny now because I grew out of it. But deep down I never brought myself to let that pain go. At the time our 11th grade history class were learning about dance in the 60s, our teacher hosted a partner dance class. She had the boys and girls line up separately according to height, face each other and walk forward. The person we walked toward therefore became our dance partners. I vividly remember, until this day, the smuggy grins on the faces of the two boys in front of me when each of them picked the girl right and left of me. I was left standing in the middle of the school gym, vulnerable and unwanted. For a teenage girl, ouch, it was damn traumatizing. Realizing I was the only kid without a partner, our teacher walked over and said: “you can dance with me”.
And nah dude it was not heartwarming, like she saved me. Pure pity I would say.