I've always been a little self-conscious about my breasts. Growing up my mother never missed a chance to "flat-shame" me. And when I got upset she just pet me on the head and said she's doing it for the sake of me. She wanted me to understand that my flat chest is ugly so I'd always remember to cover it up.
In middle school and high school I went through a "push-up-bra" phase. I'd never leave my house without these uncomfortable "boobie zoos". Even so I still carried the nickname "aircraft runway" throughout my Teenage days. Small boobs jokes seemed like something I had no escape from.
Fast forward eight years, I now live in a world where nip showing is in style. I admire and envy those girls who can rock their outfit without wearing a bra. "Free-boobing it?" I thought to myself, "Hell no." I could never be confident enough.
Until this one day, I discovered bodysuit. Oh man, I really really really wanted to wear them. But I couldn't get over this self-consciousness. I went through some internal struggles, bought some but rarely wore them in public.
So I sat down and had a chat with my boobs. Yes haha. I talked to them. More like talking to myself. I thought about all the times when certain clothes fit perfectly because of my chest frame, or when I was the fastest track runner at school because I had no heavy jugs slowing me down, or when a boy sees my bare body and tells me that they are the perfect size. I'm fortunate enough to live in a place where diversity is praised and beauty standard is not confined. But none of that truly matters if I don't believe in it myself. At the end of the day, self acceptance is a part of discovering beauty, and a part of growing up.
Yesterday I found those old push-up bras and decided to wear them for fun. I walked around the city and just felt all kinds of trapped and uncomfortable. So I sneaked underneath my shirt, unhooked, took them off, and threw them into the sidewalk trash can. I looked down at my "aircraft runway", felt proud af.
(The bodysuit I'm wearing here is from Urban Outfitters. )